I struggle often with the balance between writing what I think or feel and writing what I know will be received well. These last few months I’ve struggled a lot with what is and isn’t appropriate for this blog, which has resulted in a lot of not writing. It’s strange that I can coach other people on being open and honest, but I, myself, struggle to achieve the perfect level of vulnerability.
This past week I received the most bizarrely-blunt advice that I could have ever needed to hear, changing my outlook on how my life is slowly piecing together. It continues to play over in my ears and I’m still trying to figure out what that means for me.
I’ve found myself becoming more distant recently from friends and people I have always had a strong connection with because there is so much doubt in what I’m doing and my recent life choices. All of which have been hard for me to swallow because I feel like I used to provide a strong support for others, that I just can’t understand the lack of support I have recently received. Maybe it’s all my perception and projection of my insecurities… that’s quite possible. Regardless, the cutting words I hear often each day (whether said with malicious intent or not) have worn deeply on my spirit and it wasn’t really until my coffee meeting last week that I understood how somewhat lonely of a life I may be choosing. Yet, if given the option, I’d choose this path each time over and over again.
So few people will ever understand my decisions, my desires, or my goals. That is out of my control. What is in my control is my reaction to this lack of understanding. Instead of feeling hurt or bullied out of doing what makes my heart feel whole, I need to continue to seek out others who have been through what I’m experiencing: those that have chosen a path of work-life integration, those that are working close to 80 hours a week to avoid the 40-hour workweek, those that understand the desire to have more than a job, but instead this rare lifestyle that I’m so determined to obtain.
The path to independent working is a long, yet very worthwhile, road. It’s my path of choice, and the only option my life will accept. It’s a matter of ignoring the assumptions, judgment, and ill commentary. Instead, finding empowerment in knowing what I do makes a difference; empowerment in knowing one day I will contribute to increased efficiencies in communication and business interactions.
When I let people impose their judgments on my lifestyle, I need to remember… it’s just not acceptable. It’s not worth missing deadlines because I’m keeping to-do lists on sticky notes that I continually lose all because I’m too afraid of pulling my phone out when in the public eye for fear of the never-ending jokes of my “addiction” to technology. I need to remember to remind myself of that bizarrely-blunt and needed advice I got that day: “You’re the social media person. Own it. And to hell with them.”
“Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you are born to stand out”
As a social media connector, I’ve enjoyed meeting an array of people through my various outlets over the last few years. It’s kind of funny how many of my friends I’ve met entirely through a social network connection of some sort. Gosh, I must have terrified my parents growing up. I probably should have been (and maybe still should be to some extent) one of those kids on a milk carton or in a Lifetime Movie… like the Craigslist Killer… well maybe not that intense… I’m not a craigslist-personal-ad-peruser.
Today, though, I’m not here to talk about what could have been with my friend-making, but instead the successes of one in particular. One of my most recent connections has become a very trusted voice of reason and idea-bouncer over the last couple of months. Tomorrow is a very exciting moment for him and I’m honored to have the opportunity to share with you his talents.
Jae Jin is a talented musician and writer in the Baltimore, MD area and I’m proud to share his newest released Holiday CD with you. I’m not much for holiday music long before Christmas arrives, but his voice is angelic and sends chills down my back. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the peaceful sound that echoes in his voice and must admit that I’ve had these songs looping continuously.
Congratulations Jae on another successful collection. Best wishes tomorrow on your release and celebration!
Let your ears enjoy and happy holidays to all of you!
I had a dream last night that I found him, that I was laying with my head in his lap as he combed through my hair with his fingertips. He listened as I opened up about my deepest fears in letting someone love me. I shared with him my fear of imposing my life on another’s, how I’ve continually allowed for guys to hide me for fear of their open rejection, my continual “settling” for less than what I know I need for fear of not being worthy of finding it, my lack of strength to not falter in my passions and goals in order to be flexible and accommodating to someone else’s… and as I let each fear roll off my tongue he sat there combing through my hair with his fingertips, listening to every word I spoke allowing me to finish my full thought. As I finished he looked down at me with this reassuring and comforting love in his eyes and said, “I wish those fears were not your concerns. I love you for all that you are and all that you’ll be. I want to show you that you’re my world and that I want to help you let go of those fears.” I immediately felt this calming sensation flow through me. I felt comforted and warm, the tension eased away… he rubbed my back softly until I fell back asleep.He whispered to me, “everything will be okay, you’ll find me when the time is right, but until then, everything will be okay…”
I woke up this morning so calm, with a strength I’ve never really felt before. I felt as though who ever “he” is knew me in a way no one else ever could, in a way that no one else ever will. He passed no judgement on the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been, and cherished all the good and bad that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I find an eerie comfort in that dream and today, I’m okay with all that I am and all that I’ve become. And I’m reminded… Everything will be okay.
It’s amazing how much one person can truly impact your life without you fully understanding to what extent. The past few weeks I’ve been super sappy and reflecting on memories, going through old photos and trying not to be too selfish with the time left (I say that as if someone is on their death-bed… gosh, I’m such an overdramatic sap sometimes… Lady V will never let me live this one down). It’s funny though, I’ve really taken it for granted how close we’ve lived near each other the last few months (and years for that matter) and in less than 24 hours she’ll be on her way to a life 637 miles (yes, I google mapped it, don’t judge) from mine… that’s 11 hours and a passport away! Yep, I said passport… Lady V has finally achieved the International Badass title (about damn time!) that we’ve been waiting for since… well, since as long as I’ve known her. When we were 18 we schemed up a plan to make her English dream-life a reality… I mean, we had it down to the late night/early morning kidnapping-drive to the airport and everything. It was fool-proof, I swear… Parent proof… maybe not so much. Even though this time there will be no grand escapes, it still seems as though this adventure seems to be one more worth sharing.
But I’m so not ready for her move now! Excited, but not ready. This lady has helped shape my sarcasm (no matter how bad it still is, she’s determine to not give up), my badassness (okay, maybe I’m not that badass, but I like to think that part of her rubbed off on me) and my appreciation for metal (yes a little poppy-blonde does stand out at a kickass metal show). She has been the logic to my dramatic emotions, the voice of reason that I tend to lack, yet continues to listen without judging when I share my outrageous stories, feelings and life “troubles.”
Lady V is something else I tell ya. I’ve always found myself intrigued by her and I guess that’s why I cherish our friendship in the ways that I do. She’s most unlike any friend you’ll ever have or ever meet… you see, Lady V in a nutshell is a badass-metalhead twisted with a true southern belle… she’s hardcore with class, leather jacket and pearls… she’s a friend my life can’t survive without.
We’ve been through high school awkwardness to college adjustments to post-college uncertainty and strategically grown lives that are destined for greatness. Here’s to a new chapter that I may not physically be there to witness, but I’m so happy to be on the sidelines for. You have so much to offer this world and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have the opportunity to watch you take on a new country (even if it is Canada. Okay, bad joke). Never forget your southern roots, the HB love, and all of the ridiculous adventures we’ve had over the years… you, my dear, is what a friend is made of and I thank you for teaching me that. Now go teach Canada the VB way!
This morning when I was scrolling through Facebook, I stumbled across this quote. At first I read it and wasn’t impressed… but then re-read it and let it sink in on my drive to work. I needed to read this. I needed to think about it. And I needed to embrace it.
I’ve been frustrated recently because “so and so is being difficult,” or “so and so is too negative,” or “my work is too demanding,” or “my job isn’t what I want it to be,” or “I don’t live where I want to live…” and how the list tends to drag on. But the key here is, I am able and responsible for how I choose to let these factors affect me. It is true, I am responsible for my decisions and only I am to blame for how I allow myself to react or feel about any given situation. Sure, situations may provoke me or open the door for poor response… but I need to work on my reaction and my awareness of what I do have control over.
This is a hard realization for me because I do take everything (and I mean EVVERRRRR-Y-Thing) to heart (y’all that know me, know). My insecurities influence my feelings to think that every nasty, negativity is targeting me. That I matter so much (or so little) that every whisper is a judgment of me, every short response is a jab or has deeper meaning. I need to work on trusting in who I am and what I stand for in order to feel at peace with my surroundings. When I feel as though the world is closing in on me and suffocating my every move, I need to learn how to breathe, breathe deeply and remind myself that I do have control of my decisions. I have the ability to make something more out of what I’m given.
I think it’s time for me to breathe in… breathe out… and move on.
This last year alone, I’ve become more comfortable in my skin than I have in 26 years. I’ve learned that no matter how badly I want to plan exactly how my life will evolve (yes, it’s true, anticipating the unknown tends to heighten my anxiety at times), rolling with whatever comes my way is usually more fun and a lot more realistic. This past year, I’ve had the opportunity to strengthen friendships that are absolutely irreplaceable and find the courage to walk away from friends that were toxic and unhealthy. I’ve been blessed with a roommate that continues to empower me to stand up for what I believe. She’s taught me the importance of being straight forward about how I feel without shying away, no matter how I think someone will take it. She has taught me a lot about what it means to be strong. I must say, I never knew my backbone existed quite like it does today.
In all that I’ve learned over the last year and moreso, the last 26 years… I wanted to share a few takeaways that helped mold me into the person I am today. Yet, everytime I began to write, it seemed my words sounded more cheesy and cliche than realistic to how I’ve been continually introduced to the world. That’s when I discovered a post from two years ago on the Thoughts & Reflection blog, 26 Reflections on Turning 26. As I read through I found myself chuckling and nodding in agreement at the truth behind each reflection listed. After reading all 26, I realized my words could not express these points better if I tried, so I wanted to share with you Jae Jin’s words of reflection. Don’t forget to tell me how they compare to your life reflection! Enjoy!
1. No Free Lunch. Don’t believe anyone when they tell you, at age 21, that you’re an adult. That’s bullsh*t. Especially in this day and age. At age 26, you still aren’t an adult, but you’re darn sure expected to be one. No asking for or borrowing money from your parents. No excuse paying your bills in an untimely manner. No staying out late/drinking on a weekday night, with work the next morning. No unemployment(unless you are in a graduate school well on your way to being one of the Asian “3″: Doctor/Lawyer/Businessman). No moving back home. You’ve gotta be a grown-up.
2. No Looking Forward to Specific Ages as they relate to Laws. At age 18, if you were into lung abuse, you could buy cigarettes. You could also legally buy pornography, which also proved you were from the stone age and hadn’t heard of something called the Internet. At age 21, you could finally buy/drink alcohol. If you ended up going to college, chances were that aside from studies, you also were taught and socially encouraged to break this law often. Then just last year, I was elated to find that I could legally rent a car on my own… and then ZipCar got really big.
3. Employment Equals Social Status, not Money. Thankfully my $160,000 education from a prestigious University didn’t go toward flipping burgers at McDonalds, but by age 26, your job has to be more than a job. Many of my peers were part of the unfortunate group that graduated with the economical instability, and many worthy candidates, were left jobless. That didn’t stop people from finding tutoring jobs, or going off to other countries to teach English making $50,000+ a year(i’m sorry, but I REALLY loathe this. But that can be a topic for a future post). Nevertheless, you get this sort of grace period to find a steady job, and by 26, you hope that you can confidently answer the very first, often asked question posed by individuals of your same age or older when first meeting them.
4. The Idea of Sports–both played and watched– Changes. You realize it the day after an intense basketball game on the courts. Your body is sore. I’m not talking about the good type of sore normally coming after a great workout. I’m talking about the Oh-crap-you’re-getting-older-and-your-body-is-now-starting-to-break-down-a-little-bit-each-year-for-the-rest-of-your-life kind of sore. I suppose all that was to be expected, but then even watching sports completely changes. Just last week, I was at a sports bar with friends, watching Lebron James play against the Orlando Magic. He rose up through the air and dunked on on some 6’6 opponent. This is a guy you look up to and idolize right? Wrong. Lebron James is younger than I am. This SEEMS wrong because he sure as hell doesn’t LOOK younger than me. Don’t even get me started on Greg Oden and how old HE looks… ((google search him, if you don’t know who he is.))
5. What The Heck Is My Dad Listening To? By 26, you are most likely listening to a few of those bands that your parents listened to. Growing up, I would tease my stepfather about Pink Floyd. I mean come on… sounds like a girly band. I would hear Michael Jackson on our stereo at home and i swore it was a girl singing. Fast forward 15 years, and I already consider Michael Jackson one of my biggest musical influences, and I’m starting to listen to more and more music that I used to make fun of my parents about. It’s even almost endearing to be able to share a musical taste with one of your parents. Something about sitting in a car and having a song come on the radio, that both of you actually like. Neither of you hits the change channel button. You quietly just bob your head, and have a nice family conversation(without the words.)
6. You Really Aren’t All That. With the rising of your age, coupled with the rise of Youtube, you realize that you really aren’t all that talented. I like to sing. Who cares? There’s some random 7 year old that just belted the same song you tend to audition with, and SHE blew your version out of the water. People think I can play the piano a little bit. Who cares? There’s that Chinese guy that plays with his feet only. Forget talents… even everyday things! Can you clap? Have you ever given a round of applause? Yeah? But can you clap 14 times in one second?
7. Rest>>>Good Time Feel free to replace the “greater than” symbol with an “equal” symbol if you want. They’re really interchangeable by the time you’re 26. Halloween recently went by. One week prior, I had about 3-4 invites to parties or “Halloween events.” We had 3 (I REPEAT, THREE!!) nights/opportunities to celebrate Halloween during that weekend. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let’s see. Friday night, cleaned my place and slept early. Saturday night, went for a nice run and slept early. Sunday night, cooked and got ready for the work week. If we had a 2nd Halloween this coming weekend, i’d probably do the very same thing. Sigh…
8. How Old Are You? If you were to ask a bunch of strangers how old they think you were, you would get a graphed plot so scattered that you could connect the dots and draw the Cool-Aid man. Seriously, I’ve gotten anywhere from College Freshman to Ahjuhshi (Korean word: 아저씨 which is something you call a guy who seems A LOT older than you). It’s also a nagging reminder that you’re just some random faceless person born sometime in the 80s. You don’t really fit in. Kinda like this:
9. You Will Stop At No End to Stay Youthful. You remember that time you hung out with your friends at the sports card store and were talking to each other about how great of a QB Troy Aikmanwas? And then that weird creepy 26 year old dude came in, and asked you guys, “How about that Roger Staubach? Great QB, am I right?” And then you and your friends looked at each other and walked over to the basketball card table? Well you are now that guy. Only 4 years ago, you were 4 years removed from high school, getting ready to finish college, and still knew the pop culture, fashion trends, and cool shows on TV. Now, you’re 8 years removed from HS and clueless. Maybe being clueless isn’t SO bad. As a male, you refuse to start watching Glee, no matter what all the media/girls/gay guy friends say about it. Note: Apologies to all you straight fellas who watch it. I don’t judge… but yes, others do
10. After 26 Years, You Still Pretty Much Look The Same. For a large majority of individuals, you can look at their baby pictures and people pretty much look the same, minus the horrible clothes your mother used to dress you up in. Even then, in the end, things don’t change much… including maturity level.
11. Not Everyone Is Going To Like You. I think that one of the key lessons people learn as they grow up, is to master the hard task of figuring out how to not worry about what others think. In the end, It’s extremely hard. Almost impossible. But when you can let go of holding expectations of others, and just meet everyone else where they’re at. You can only hope to be yourself, and those that matter, will meet you where you’re at too.
12. The Truth About Females. They always say that females mature faster than males. At age 26, I am not going to act like I’ve figured out females. Most can’t even figure each other out. But what I have come to respect about the opposite sex, is that for all the things about women that men complain about , they generally all tend to be good at knowing what they want.
13. Independence Feels Good. At age 26, you’ve had 4 years(that’s the same number of years most people spend in college) to grow out of your collegiate ways and learn(struggle) to take care of yourself. But when I look back at this past year, I realize I’ve been paying my rent on my own for years. I’ve been doing my own taxes, paying all my bills, paying medical bills, scheduling/making appointments… i mean, I’m completely self-reliant. It’s not easy, but it’s a good feeling. I remember once reading that if a man finds no satisfaction in himself, he seeks for it in vain elsewhere. So basically, if you want to set up an equation for adulthood, it’s pretty simple: self-discipline + self-reliance = adulthood. And then once you figure out how to balance the two and develop each, that would be maturity.
14. It Only Gets Harder to Make New Friends. This is a pretty key reflection up to this point in my life. As you get older, it’s going to be tough to make new close friends. I’m not just talking about meeting new people. If you can bring yourself to make an effort to go out, you’ll meet new people. I ride a charter bus to get to work every day, and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting new people quite often. That being said, the friends I’ve kept through the years, are few yet as I get older, I’m more intentional about “keeping” them. I realize that as life gets busier, it’s easy to lose touch. It’s easy to let days, weeks, months go by. It’s a reality: Work and family obligations keep individuals very busy these days. But go out of your way to make it a point to set up times to talk. Don’t just email or text message. Make it a point to just go out of your way to drop in on someone’s life randomly and let them know that something reminded you of them. Doing this can seriously make a person’s day and it’s quite lasting. Relationships take effort. It’s common sense. Oh, one more thing. People come and go in your life, and some come back. Accept them with open arms. On your end, be willing to swallow your pride and let bygones be bygones. Life’s too short to hold onto grudges.
15. Never Settle. At 26, I’ve learned an important lesson that actually extends in numerous ways. Never settle. Not in relationships. Not in a job. Not in your current state, whatever that may be. Basically, never.
16. Reading. As I’ve said many times before in this blog, reading is vitally important. As I look back at the last 26 years of life, I wish I could go back to my youth when I could literally get lost in books. While many would say that technology like Kindles make reading easier, it just makes reading turn into an ADD activity. Too often, I hear from Kindle/iPhone Books users who say they bought a book, got through a little, and then stopped. Much of that is due to this fast paced lifestyle of reading bits and pieces at a time on public transportation or waiting for an appointment. What I’ve learned, in coming across many successful individuals, is that anyone who has been successful in anything was a big reader.
17. Money Doesn’t Matter As Much As You Think. The biggest thing I’ve learned by age 26 regarding money, is that you REALLY don’t need all that much to live comfortably and happily. I’d guesstimate that you may not need all that much more than 35k or 40k to do so. I firmly believe the strong correlation that the more you make, the more you spend. It’s often true. Our culture subliminally sends this message. In the end, money isn’t everything. Even cars. Even if you drive a crazy nice car, honestly the novelty of it rubs off pretty quickly, and you’re left wanting something better or different. Money is just like that. The more you have, the more you want. And in the end, you don’t even need all that much to be happy and content.
18. By Helping Others Get/Do What They Want, You Somehow Will Get What You Want(…Even If You Don’t Necessarily Know That You Want It At That Time). This is pretty self explanatory, but in my short 26 years of life, this is a truth that I’ve found.
19. Change Your Mindset To Reflect This: Value, Not Cost. Economics aside, in the end, it’s really about the value of things, rather than cost. I have an odd system where I’ll be frugal about certain things, and less frugal about others. It’s all about value, and lucky for you, just like beauty, value is in the eye of the beholder.
20. At 26, Changing The World. You grow up hearing things like “YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD!” or Gandhi’s quote “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Thus far, what I’ve found is that the world is in your head. It’s what you make of it, or how you see it. And in that sense, you can indeed change the world. I know this sounds cliche, but in believing in yourself, that first key step leads to changes, that ironically do start to change those around you… and in turn, changes the environment you live in(i.e. the world.)
21. Give Thanks. One of the most useful lessons in life, I learned when I was young. When my stepfather was growing up as the eldest of 4 boys, his father taught him an important lesson, which in turn was passed down to me. Every Christmas morning, they would open their gifts, but before they were allowed to play with their toys, they were ordered to sit at the dining room table, and write out thank you cards to every individual that gave them a gift. My stepfather passed this down to me, and went even further, by stating that if any kind act was done, whether it was someone buying me food or giving me a ride, I was to make sure to sit down at a table in my house that same day, and write/send a thank you card. Not an email. Not a text message. But a good old-fashioned thank you card.
22. The Art of Letting Go. In turning 26, I’ve had the (mis)fortune of experiencing many things. Loving, being loved, getting hurt, hurting others, etc. From all of these things, I’m slowly learning the art of letting go. Sometimes, life’s just easier that way. You let go of things. Sometimes they’ll come back. Sometimes they won’t because better things are on their way. Sometimes people are placed in your life for a specific amount of time. But you aren’t God so you really can’t see the big picture. All you do is learn to let go, and move forward looking forward.
23. “Find Something You’re Good At, And Get Someone To Pay You To Do It.” I’m pretty sure all of you have maybe heard this quote, but if you haven’t, it’s probably one of the most commonsensical yet genius things I’ve ever heard. I’ve allowed this to guide me in some way or fashion to the creative endeavors I pursue in music, writing, and other things in life. I’m still young, but it’s starting to pay off.
24. It’s Okay To Be Extreme. I’ve learned that I’m a pretty “extreme” sort of guy. In the sense that I’m always on the extremes. If I like something, I really like it. If I don’t, I really don’t. Same goes for things i’m passionate about. I’m not sure it’s a good thing. But it’s who I am. You are who you are. You can be who you are. And that’s always okay.
25. Birthday Excitement Has An Inverse Relationship with Age. Birthdays were so much better when you were a little kid. You could get together with your buddies and have a sleep over, sneaking out at night to walk 5 miles to the 7-11 to eat those Neon Yellow-colored nachos and slurpees. You could blow out candles on a birthday cake. Although you know there was always that one birthday kid, whose birthday party you went to, and he/she ALWAYS spit all over the damn cake while blowing out candles.
26. “All The World Is Birthday Cake, So Take A Piece, But Not Too Much.” In my short 26 years of life, I’ve also learned the importance of everything in moderation. It’s all about balance. In the end, we all want it, and move toward it. Sometimes we fall, but then we get back up and recorrect ourselves. That’s the beauty of the human spirit. I’m not sure what the next year holds for me, but I know that it’ll be good in the big picture of things. They always say that in leadership, you can never go wrong leaving the listeners(or readers) with an Abraham Lincoln quote so here goes:
“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
While I’ve found myself opening up more with each post, there are still so many things I don’t share with the blog-o-sphere. Family stories being at the top of my list. You see, over the last few years my family has had its up’s and down’s… we’ve struggled to say the least, but my realization recently: what family hasn’t? I’m ashamed to say, that at times I’ve found myself disappointed and embarrased by my family troubles… that statement: possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever written and actually formed into words outside of my head.
You see, at 22 and at the end of my senior year of college my parents separated. This moment was probably the most earth-shattering moment of my life, or so I thought. It’s taken me three and a half years to be comfortable enough to even talk about it without it bringing tears to my eyes. This separation tore my family apart, all of us going in separate directions and taking (or trying not to take) sides. I found myself hating holidays, birthdays, and any occassion where I felt like one parent would be left out… in those cases I began avoiding the outing all together. Instead of leaving one out, I’d just exclude myself all together in order to eliminate the feeling of “choosing sides.”
At 22 (and now almost 26) you would think it would be an easier concept to understand, but in all honesty, it wasn’t… I think (and I say I think because I’ve never been in an 8-year-old’s shoes that went through a divorce/separation) it would be easier for me to be young and ignorant to the concept of family than a young adult who had a complete family to lean on for 20+ years only to have that foundation crumble. As you can imagine, this has definitely played a role in my life as I’ve searched for love and worked to re-define my independence, yet I still never saw how I would find peace in my parents’ relationship and its effect on our family.
Surprisingly enough, it took one young man, one wildman to lead my heart to peace. It took that wildman to open all of our eyes to the many miscommunications, the words being left unsaid, and the need for family in whatever form that might take. It allowed me to be honest (even moreso with myself) with how I felt, open about it’s effect on my life, and capable of accepting it for what it is. For the first time in three and a half years, I feel this relieving peace with my family, my parents, and the path we’re now on together, because regardless of whether or not my parents are “together,” I now understand that we will always be a family… and we will always need each other in one way or another. I just want you each to know that no matter how hard things get (because I know they will), Pops, Mama T, Sister-Friend, and Wildman, you four have the deepest love in my heart, that will forever be the truth.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
It’s hard to believe it has been a year since I started this blog… well, it was officially a year this past Friday, but I was on wedding overload… and no, not my wedding. Come on, you read this thing, you should know that I’d clue you in if I was making those kinda changes in my life… give me another 10 years for that (and yes, I can add, I know that puts me at 35 going on 36… don’t judge).
The wedding that took place this weekend was kind of perfect for my year anniversary of the beginnings of my epic adventures. It gave me the opportunity to witness two people who whole-heartedly deserved the beautiful celebration they received and all the love they were showered with. The Most Classy Gal, as she was named in the toast given by Crazy K, has been an inspiration to me over the last 10+ years that I’ve known her, but more specifically in the last three years that I’ve been so fortunate to develop an even stronger friendship with her. The Most Classy Gal is the epitome of a good friend. She has never asked for anything and is forever giving with no expectations. She remembers every meeting, date, trip, and important event you tell her about, sending wishes of good luck before and inquiring about outcomes afterward. She remembers your favorite food, dessert (even if she can’t have it herself), and soda, being sure she stocks up for whenever (even if it’s months down the road) you might stop by next.
Watching The Most Classy Gal & her now husband receive everything she never asked for, but everything she ever deserved gave me chills. It reinforced almost everything my adventures this past year have stood for: finding happiness, love, and the independence & strength she has that I so desire.
I’ve been blessed by being surrounded by friends and family very much like The Most Classy Gal and empowered to move away from those that were toxic. It has been quite a whirlwind of learning, observing, and moving on. Growing up has never been so intense and exciting at the same time. I strive to one day be a friend to the level that The Most Classy Gal is without trying and I will continue to find new adventures that test my strength and broadened my appreciation for other lifestyles & cultures. This year has been a turning point in my life and I will be forever grateful for all that have encouraged me, comforted me, loved me, and pushed me to work harder. This year was only the beginning, I can’t wait to see what’s next. Here’s to the continuation of a mid-twenties’ take on life, love, and discovering independence.
Guys always say that girls have it so easy when we go out because we don’t have to pay for anything. Well this girl right here has never really had that luck. Me being one of the few single ones in the group was puzzled by the fact that the married ladies got free drinks long before a guy even looked vaguely in my direction. What’s the deal? Is it that whole single-must-be-desperate vibe radiating off my skin? Is an immediate alert sent out when I walk in a room “[sound sirens] Stage 5 Clinger on the loose! Abort! Abort! I repeat stage 5 clinger on the loose!”
Finally one night, I felt an urgency (because this is important in the life of a woman, evidently) to learn the trade… “adventure woman, what is your secret?!” So adventure woman decided to walk pretty lady who shall remain nameless and me through the 7 rules of how to get a guy to buy you a drink. I must say, Chicago (once again) was blindsided by the trio-storm that happened that weekend. And I must admit, girl’s got skills… we only paid for one drink all weekend. How about them apples.
It’s like that Elle moment at the end of Legally Blonde… “I did it!” (Yes, I expect you to read that in her squeaky, high-pitch voice in order to get the full effect.) I’m that excited. You see I’ve been working seriously away at my debt for a solid 2 1/2 years. Woo. It’s been a lonnng 2 1/2 years! At times I never thought I’d see the day when everything was 100% paid off… but it’s here. That day has finally arrived. My car is officially mine, my school loans are paid, my business loan paid, those credit cards are completely clean… Everything is paid off! So many zeros (and in a good way!).
Two and a half years ago I realized I had a lot of school debt, credit card debt, and half my car still left to pay off with not a lot of income… nervous with how I’d manage it all, I enrolled in this program through church, Financial Peace with Dave Ramsey. Now this program may not work for everyone, but it was my saving grace. It made my $25k (plus or minus) on my (at the time) $10/hr income manageable. Shortly after I started the program I moved home to be able to dedicate more of my money to my debt with hopes of speeding up the process. My goal was to be debt-free before moving back out on my own. That would have been December 2011, however I made a few decisions to prolong my debt payoff that were worth the wait.
In December I could have paid the last chunk I owed on my car and been done, but I was presented with the opportunity to start my own business (a dream I’ve had since I was a child), but it would take funds that I didn’t have to my name. My choices: take a small business loan and wait until July, 2012 to be completely debt free or pay off the car and save up for the business and wait until much later to start my business with money of my own. After doing a little math I realized if I started the business and prolonged the debt payoff, I’d be able to bring in a bit more income to pay off the loans quicker than if I chose the second option. So I went with it. Absolutely the best decision I ever made! So now, I’m debt-free at 25, I have my own business on top of my full-time job, and all the extra money will be put in my savings for the day that I can say “I work for myself full-time.”
Unbelievable how much everything is falling into place. I’m so blessed and thankful all the hard work is paying off. Oh hey life, you’re not too shabby after all!
I woke up this morning so calm, with a strength I’ve never really felt before. I felt as though who ever “he” is knew me in a way no one else ever could, in a way that no one else ever will. He passed no judgement on the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been, and cherished all the good and bad that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I find an eerie comfort in that dream and today, I’m okay with all that I am and all that I’ve become. And I’m reminded… Everything will be okay.
