Monthly Archives: July 2012

Who am I again?

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Super cheesy, I know… but it’s true.

Most of the time I feel like I’m moving forward at a speed I can’t keep up with (in a good way), I feel like I’ve accomplished so much in the past few months that I never could have imagined possible. Yet, some days I still find myself feeling those bitter feelings when I’m in certain situations or reminded of where I thought my life was going… that feeling just creeps up, like hives (bleh… gross).

Does that bitter feeling ever go away? I honestly am quite tired of feeling those negative things and I know my friends are most likely beyond tired of hearing about them.

I mean, I am finally in a place in my life where I want to be single. Regardless of those occasional lingering bitter feelings, it’s literally the first time I think I’ve ever felt content with being single. That may sound silly (because it is), but in all honesty, I guess I’m somewhat of a serial monogamous and absolutely a hopeless romantic. But after 25 1/2 years, I’ve come to the conclusion (oh wait, here’s the kicker) I need to figure me out a LOT more before I can figure anyone else out (no matter how much I enjoy dissecting the male brain… ha, sick, I know, who actually enjoys that?).

Wow, imagine that, what a realization. (Do you hear my sarcasm?… Okay sister-friend, you can now say: “I told you so.” Go ahead, I’m giving you permission).

Just gonna keep looking forward. Gosh, 25 is such an awkward age. Thank God I’m almost 26… oh wait… is that a good thing? Ha… Guess I’ll have to let you know…

To be continued?

The motivation I needed to change

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This morning I was scrolling through my Twitter News Feed before work and came across a link to a post that refreshed my mind, gave me new perspective, and helped re-energize my drive in a way I didn’t think was possible by the written word. Timing could not have been more perfect. While I shared this blog post with a few different people after I read it and I posted a link to my Facebook, the more I’ve let my mind think on what J.D. said, the more compelled I am to share it with a larger number of you. It is a rather long entry, but it is worth every minute it takes to read it in its entirety.

As I read through each scenario or example J.D. shared, it hit home on several points that really got me thinking. You see, I’ve been internally struggling recently because I truly fear becoming complacent, I fear settling, I fear failure. I’ve made excuses for why I can’t do those very things I’ve set out to do, I get lost in not understanding how to generate revenue in my career choice, I get caught up in the what-if’s, and most of all I, myself, am my worst hater.

I’ve come to realize that others put more faith in my work and my drive than I do, I’ve allowed myself to not see my potential. I know I’m smart and I know I work hard, but a majority of the time I just see a lot of wheels spinning in place, which I find discouraging. J.D., I’d like to thank you for inspiring me to keep pushing through, to focus, and to make change when I’m not happy — change is okay. I only wish I could have heard you give this speech in person. We have a new addition to the bucket list, I think I’ll add: attend the World Domination Summit in 2013.

Please read, soak in, and be inspired. Make change happen, whatever that may be for you.

(just in case you’ve miss each link to the blog post I’m referring to, here’s one more attempt to encourage you to read it… so READ it! –> The Power of Personal Transformation: Change Your Self, Change the world)

Oh hello Friday the 13th… thanks for the week.

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This has by far been one of the worst weeks… thank you Hell for rising on the days leading up to Friday the 13th (and no, I am not normally that superstitious). I have literally not made eye contact with anyone since possibly 8am Monday. Ohhh thank you Year-End reporting for making me so extremely kind to those who are stuck having to interact with me. However, I took a break to vent to my darling friend at lunch, pretty lady who shall remain nameless. I tell ya, she may be the reason i’m currently still sane.

Warning: we are not that sane. Read at your own risk:

Pretty lady:  welllll I am doing research on Rehoboth vacation rentals for your b-day
just fyi :)

me:  wooty woooo! im ready for that vacay thats fo sho
Pretty lady:   oh man me too hahah
me:  Beach house in the fall will be so nice! sweatshirts!
Pretty lady:   I KNOW! khakis and sweat shirts hahah
slambakes!
Pretty lady:   *clambakes
me:  HAHAHAHAHA
I was like uhm? slambakes? is that a drug reference
Pretty lady: HAHA
knowing me I would think it is
me:  hahaha i definitely thought it was
i was like uhm no idea but ok? ill do whatever pretty lady does
shes a smart girl
lol
Pretty lady: hahahaha
no you should question me when I start saying slambake
also you have to realize I will now be using it as a word
me:  Gosh I hope you will! how might we use this new word we’ve discovered? “That’s such a slambake uhg i cant believe you went there!” or “THAT”S SO SLAMBAKE!! AWESOME!!”
Pretty lady: SO SLAMBAKE
hahahaha
me: done
Pretty lady:   I love it
me:  hows your wed, anything hump-tastic?
hah… sorry i am trying to be humorous
im failing quite terribly
crash and burnnnnn
slash and burrnnnn
psssssssshooooooo
Pretty lady: HAHAHAHHA
weeelllll it was hump-tastic alright
me:  that was the crash sound
hahaha well that doesnt sound bad
you know it’s 1 week until you’re a quarter of a century
you ready for that step?
Pretty lady:   I dunno…
OH
me:  yesss?
Pretty lady:   So Mr. Manly Man (or triple M for short) asked if he could cook me dinner for the night of my b-day
since he will be gone that weekend and it’s girls weekend
 Pretty lady: cute right?!
me:  UHM YESSS! that’s not even a question! OF COURSE THAT”S FN CUTE
Pretty lady:   I was like um of course you can you beautiful man!!!!
me:  SO cute!
Pretty lady: hahaha
he’s trying to woo me I like it
me:  you can sit out on the balcony and stare into each others eyes in the moon light
Pretty lady:   hahahahah! sawwwooon
me:  let that manly man woo the britches off of you
Pretty lady:   HAHAHAH! omg
 me:  sawwwwoooon
 Pretty lady: that quote needs to be written down
me:  I just choked on my smoothie when i read that
Pretty lady:   let that manly man woo the britches off of you hahahha
me: wooing is happening
under the moonlight
Pretty lady:   hahaha!
me:  please feed him
or let him feed you
like a bird
lol
Pretty lady:   hahaha I’ll kneel on the ground and act like a baby bird
me:  omgosh ive lost it lol
HAHAHAH
Pretty lady:   and he’ll say “if you’re a bird I’m a bird”
me:  YESSSSSS
PLEASE
Pretty lady:   and it will be so romantic
me:  OMGOSH PLEASE
Pretty lady:   SOOOOO SLAMBAKE
me:  So Slambake!!
Pretty lady:   hahaha you are cracking me up
me:  OMGosh you possibly were the first person to make me laugh today and what a laugh this is
Pretty lady:   hahahaha I really hope it’s as awesome as we are imagining it right now
my face hurts from trying to hold the laughing in
me:  HAHAHA mine toooo

I did warn you we weren’t sane… yes, these are pretty typical conversations when one of us is on the edge of losing their mind… and yes we realize that we are most likely the only two people in this universe that find our conversations that hilarious (I’ve mentioned before I laugh at my own jokes, right?)… eh it happens, don’t judge.

I also have Mama T to thank for a smile-cracker shortly after this lightened mood. She forced my brother to hand-deliver the below:

Yes, my parents call me Squi. Don’t hate… they were rhymers…

That road gets me every time…

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http://www.becomingwhitney.com/date-day/

The other night I found myself driving late in the night down a moonlit, abandoned road distracted by my thoughts. Still in my pearls, black dress from work, and heels with my hair pinned perfectly back, I rolled down my windows so I could feel the Summer night rush through my car as the Avett Brothers‘ lyrics echoed along the empty street. As the wind moved through me, I unpinned my hair, letting the wind breeze tangles in what once was perfectly restricted from any movement. I leaned down with one hand still on the steering wheel and slipped my black peep-toe heels off so I could better feel the path I had found myself traveling down.

These nights are the nights that capture my soul and let my mind wander to places my focus conveniently ignores during the week. It was at this moment I realized the last few months I have truly just been going through the motions of daily life obligations. Work has consumed my mind, focus, and everything inside of me to the point that I’ve forgotten much of what I found when I began this path of redefining my independence. I thought back to how much I’ve grown into my skin over the last ten months, but for whatever reason, I’d lost a bit of that while getting caught up in the old insecurities, unrealistic fears, and those unworthy, yet quite influential opinions. That comfort I found in myself had tip toed out for a break without me even noticing. But the world wouldn’t sit quietly any longer and watch… the wind wanted to break my rigid motion, the stars wanted to spark my curiosity, and the moon wanted to guide me down an untraveled and quite unrestricted road… focus has been recaptured and awaken from the hazy daze of routine life I found myself in and I’m reminded:

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” ― Harvey MacKay

I’m trying to fully let go Harvey, really trying.

I watched the sun set from the top of the world

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… Or so it felt. Last weekend Mr. Gentleman Caller and I took quite the adventurous journey to the highest point in West Virginia, which just so happens to be only about a three hour drive from my apartment. The original plan didn’t begin here however, the top of the world sensation only happened by chance… and it was one hell of a breathtaking  chance if you ask me.

Originally we had goals of camping in a National Park and walking almost type-rope across this incredible swinging bridge we found in a picture online… we had no clue if it really existed, but we were determined to find it.

Saturday morning we began our venture west. Remember earlier how I said it was a three hour drive? Well we turned it into a full day of driving (do not mistake that fact for complaint… it was part of what made this adventure adventure-worthy). Driving with no set time, directions, or pre-planned destination is one of my absolute favorite things. So that’s exactly what we did. I sat shotgun with an atlas and a camera as we found ourselves on roads you could never find on Google Maps, no matter how close you zoomed in on satellite view. Thank goodness for my mom’s sense of adventure and my dad’s impecable sense of direction that I’ve graciously inherited.

In search of our old swinging bridge, Mr. Gentleman Caller zoomed around turns and down mountain sides that tricked my stomach into thinking I was on the most beautiful roller coaster any life could have experienced. The swinging bridge was found, but unfortunately it was a four to six hour hike and being that we turned our adventure into a roadtrip extravaganza, this would have to be saved for another trip (*fingers crossed* with hope there will be a next trip). Upon finding this bridge, we also came across this newly opened log cabin adventure motel & rustic cabin rentals aka Nelson Rocks Outdoor Center (if you ever find yourself near the top of the world of WV, definitely check into this spot, I loved every bit of it!).

Since the bridge was out, we ventured on to accomplish original goal number two of our adventure: find a breathtaking location to photograph the sunset. See, Mr. Gentleman Caller and I may possibly have this ongoing bet of who is more obsessed with sunsets (I obviously am… he just hasn’t been clued in yet). There will be more on this bet in coming posts… you will be asked to weigh in, so get your poker faces straight and your voting fingers ready (because I will win… and you will assist me in this… duh).

Back to the goal! We heard that Spruce Knob was 17 miles from where we were and it just so happens Spruce Knob is the highest point in all of West Virginia (do you feel my story getting climatic? Are you connecting the dots? Yeah? Okay… I’ll continue). So these 17 miles possibly took all of an hour to drive because those 17 miles were made up of one long pin-curve, windy, dirt road only wide enough for one small car that we managed to fit a large vehicle on it’s path… it was working out for the most part until we came head on with a rather large RV that was most definitely no small car… predicament? Yes slightly… Well, it only made it a bit more exciting… or at lease I, as co-pilot (not driver with someone else’s life in their hands, no pressure right?) thought it made it a bit more exciting.

Finally we made it to the top… the breathtaking spot to properly photograph a Saturday evening sunset. Only, we had no idea just how breathtaking it would turn out to be. The hike to the highest point turned into hiking off the trail to find ourselves on this grassy knoll that had a 360 degree view of the entire state… no big deal right? Possibly one of the most beautiful views I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Mr. Gentleman Caller lucked out in his chivalrous courting extravaganza with this spot where we sat and ate our picnic dinner as we nerd-ishly shared photography tips while the sun set it’s pink and orange tints over the blue-hued mountaintops. Breathtaking? No, I think there are no real words for what this truly was… breathtaking was only one aspect of it.

Take a look for yourself, but know that no photograph will ever do this view justice, not even in the littlest bit.

On the drive up the mountain

Setting up the picnic exactly in the middle of this grassy knoll