Category Archives: Support

You’re the social media person… own it.

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I struggle often with the balance between writing what I think or feel and writing what I know will be received well. These last few months I’ve struggled a lot with what is and isn’t appropriate for this blog, which has resulted in a lot of not writing. It’s strange that I can coach other people on being open and honest, but I, myself, struggle to achieve the perfect level of vulnerability.

This past week I received the most bizarrely-blunt advice that I could have ever needed to hear, changing my outlook on how my life is slowly piecing together. It continues to play over in my ears and I’m still trying to figure out what that means for me.

I’ve found myself becoming more distant recently from friends and people I have always had a strong connection with because there is so much doubt in what I’m doing and my recent life choices. All of which have been hard for me to swallow because I feel like I used to provide a strong support for others, that I just can’t understand the lack of support I have recently received. Maybe it’s all my perception and projection of my insecurities… that’s quite possible. Regardless, the cutting words I hear often each day (whether said with malicious intent or not) have worn deeply on my spirit and it wasn’t really until my coffee meeting last week that I understood how somewhat lonely of a life I may be choosing. Yet, if given the option, I’d choose this path each time over and over again.

So few people will ever understand my decisions, my desires, or my goals. That is out of my control. What is in my control is my reaction to this lack of understanding.  Instead of feeling hurt or bullied out of doing what makes my heart feel whole, I need to continue to seek out others who have been through what I’m experiencing: those that have chosen a path of work-life integration, those that are working close to 80 hours a week to avoid the 40-hour workweek, those that understand the desire to have more than a job, but instead this rare lifestyle that I’m so determined to obtain.

The path to independent working is a long, yet very worthwhile, road. It’s my path of choice, and the only option my life will accept. It’s a matter of ignoring the assumptions, judgment, and ill commentary. Instead, finding empowerment in knowing what I do makes a difference; empowerment in knowing one day I will contribute to increased efficiencies in communication and business interactions.

When I let people impose their judgments on my lifestyle, I need to remember… it’s just not acceptable. It’s not worth missing deadlines because I’m keeping to-do lists on sticky notes that I continually lose all because I’m too afraid of pulling my phone out when in the public eye for fear of the never-ending jokes of my “addiction” to technology. I need to remember to remind myself of that bizarrely-blunt and needed advice I got that day: “You’re the social media person. Own it. And to hell with them.”

“Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you are born to stand out” 

Finding comfort in dreams

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enjoy-in-love10I had a dream last night that I found him, that I was laying with my head in his lap as he combed through my hair with his fingertips. He listened as I opened up about my deepest fears in letting someone love me. I shared with him my fear of imposing my life on another’s, how I’ve continually allowed for guys to hide me for fear of their open rejection, my continual “settling” for less than what I know I need for fear of not being worthy of finding it, my lack of strength to not falter in my passions and goals in order to be flexible and accommodating to someone else’s… and as I let each fear roll off my tongue he sat there combing through my hair with his fingertips, listening to every word I spoke allowing me to finish my full thought. As I finished he looked down at me with this reassuring and comforting love in his eyes and said, “I wish those fears were not your concerns. I love you for all that you are and all that you’ll be. I want to show you that you’re my world and that I want to help you let go of those fears.” I immediately felt this calming sensation flow through me. I felt comforted and warm, the tension eased away… he rubbed my back softly until I fell back asleep.He whispered to me, “everything will be okay, you’ll find me when the time is right, but until then, everything will be okay…”

dreamI woke up this morning so calm, with a strength I’ve never really felt before. I felt as though who ever “he” is knew me in a way no one else ever could, in a way that no one else ever will. He passed no judgement on the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been, and cherished all the good and bad that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I find an eerie comfort in that dream and today, I’m okay with all that I am and all that I’ve become. And I’m reminded… Everything will be okay.

V-to-the-B… ver-ON-i-CA!

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It’s amazing how much one person can truly impact your life without you fully understanding to what extent. The past few weeks I’ve been super sappy and reflecting on memories, going through old photos and trying not to be too selfish with the time left (I say that as if someone is on their death-bed… gosh, I’m such an overdramatic sap sometimes… Lady V will never let me live this one down). It’s funny though, I’ve really taken it for granted how close we’ve lived near each other the last few months (and years for that matter) and in less than 24 hours she’ll be on her way to a life 637 miles  (yes, I google mapped it, don’t judge) from mine… that’s 11 hours and a passport away! Yep, I said passport… Lady V has finally achieved the International Badass title (about damn time!) that we’ve been waiting for since… well, since as long as I’ve known her. When we were 18 we schemed up a plan to make her English dream-life a reality… I mean, we had it down to the late night/early morning kidnapping-drive to the airport and everything. It was fool-proof, I swear… Parent proof… maybe not so much. Even though this time there will be no grand escapes, it still seems as though this adventure seems to be one more worth sharing.

But I’m so not ready for her move now! Excited, but not ready. This lady has helped shape my sarcasm (no matter how bad it still is, she’s determine to not give up), my badassness (okay, maybe I’m not that badass, but I like to think that part of her rubbed off on me) and my appreciation for metal (yes a little poppy-blonde does stand out at a kickass metal show). She has been the logic to my dramatic emotions, the voice of reason that I tend to lack, yet continues to listen without judging when I share my outrageous stories, feelings and life “troubles.”

Lady V is something else I tell ya. I’ve always found myself intrigued by her and I guess that’s why I cherish our friendship in the ways that I do. She’s most unlike any friend you’ll ever have or ever meet… you see, Lady V in a nutshell is a badass-metalhead twisted with a true southern belle… she’s hardcore with class, leather jacket and pearls… she’s a friend my life can’t survive without.

We’ve been through high school awkwardness to college adjustments to post-college uncertainty and strategically grown lives that are destined for greatness. Here’s to a new chapter that I may not physically be there to witness, but I’m so happy to be on the sidelines for. You have so much to offer this world and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have the opportunity to watch you take on a new country (even if it is Canada. Okay, bad joke). Never forget your southern roots, the HB love, and all of the ridiculous adventures we’ve had over the years… you, my dear, is what a friend is made of and I thank you for teaching me that. Now go teach Canada the VB way!

The wildman that brought me peace

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While I’ve found myself opening up more with each post, there are still so many things I don’t share with the blog-o-sphere. Family stories being at the top of my list. You see, over the last few years my family has had its up’s and down’s… we’ve struggled to say the least, but my realization recently: what family hasn’t? I’m ashamed to say, that at times I’ve found myself disappointed and embarrased by my family troubles… that statement: possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever written and actually formed into words outside of my head.

You see, at 22 and at the end of my senior year of college my parents separated. This moment was probably the most earth-shattering moment of my life, or so I thought. It’s taken me three and a half years to be comfortable enough to even talk about it without it bringing tears to my eyes. This separation tore my family apart, all of us going in separate directions and taking (or trying not to take) sides. I found myself hating holidays, birthdays, and any occassion where I felt like one parent would be left out… in those cases I began avoiding the outing all together. Instead of leaving one out, I’d just exclude myself all together in order to eliminate the feeling of “choosing sides.”

At 22 (and now almost 26) you would think it would be an easier concept to understand, but in all honesty, it wasn’t… I think (and I say I think because I’ve never been in an 8-year-old’s shoes that went through a divorce/separation) it would be easier for me to be young and ignorant to the concept of family than a young adult who had a complete family to lean on for 20+ years only to have that foundation crumble. As you can imagine, this has definitely played a role in my life as I’ve searched for love and worked to re-define my independence, yet I still never saw how I would find peace in my parents’ relationship and its effect on our family.

Surprisingly enough, it took one young man, one wildman to lead my heart to peace. It took that wildman to open all of our eyes to the many miscommunications, the words being left unsaid, and the need for family in whatever form that might take. It allowed me to be honest (even moreso with myself) with how I felt, open about it’s effect on my life, and capable of accepting it for what it is. For the first time in three and a half years, I feel this relieving peace with my family, my parents, and the path we’re now on together, because regardless of whether or not my parents are “together,” I now understand that we will always be a family… and we will always need each other in one way or another. I just want you each to know that no matter how hard things get (because I know they will), Pops, Mama T, Sister-Friend, and Wildman, you four have the deepest love in my heart, that will forever be the truth.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
 

What a year!

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It’s hard to believe it has been a year since I started this blog… well, it was officially a year this past Friday, but I was on wedding overload… and no, not my wedding. Come on, you read this thing, you should know that I’d clue you in if I was making those kinda changes in my life… give me another 10 years for that (and yes, I can add, I know that puts me at 35 going on 36… don’t judge).

The wedding that took place this weekend was kind of perfect for my year anniversary of the beginnings of my epic adventures. It gave me the opportunity to witness two people who whole-heartedly deserved the beautiful celebration they received and all the love they were showered with. The Most Classy Gal, as she was named in the toast given by Crazy K, has been an inspiration to me over the last 10+ years that I’ve known her, but more specifically in the last three years that I’ve been so fortunate to develop an even stronger friendship with her. The Most Classy Gal is the epitome of a good friend. She has never asked for anything and is forever giving with no expectations. She remembers every meeting, date, trip, and important event you tell her about, sending wishes of good luck before and inquiring about outcomes afterward. She remembers your favorite food, dessert (even if she can’t have it herself), and soda, being sure she stocks up for whenever (even if it’s months down the road) you might stop by next.

Watching The Most Classy Gal & her now husband receive everything she never asked for, but everything she ever deserved gave me chills. It reinforced almost everything my adventures this past year have stood for: finding happiness, love, and the independence & strength she has that I so desire.

I’ve been blessed by being surrounded by friends and family very much like The Most Classy Gal and empowered to move away from those that were toxic. It has been quite a whirlwind of learning, observing, and moving on. Growing up has never been so intense and exciting at the same time. I strive to one day be a friend to the level that The Most Classy Gal is without trying and I will continue to find new adventures that test my strength and broadened my appreciation for other lifestyles & cultures. This year has been a turning point in my life and I will be forever grateful for all that have encouraged me, comforted me, loved me, and pushed me to work harder. This year was only the beginning, I can’t wait to see what’s next. Here’s to the continuation of a mid-twenties’ take on life, love, and discovering independence.

I did it! 25 and DEBT FREE!

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It’s like that Elle moment at the end of Legally Blonde… “I did it!” (Yes, I expect you to read that in her squeaky, high-pitch voice in order to get the full effect.) I’m that excited. You see I’ve been working seriously away at my debt for a solid 2 1/2 years. Woo. It’s been a lonnng 2 1/2 years! At times I never thought I’d see the day when everything was 100% paid off… but it’s here. That day has finally arrived. My car is officially mine, my school loans are paid, my business loan paid, those credit cards are completely clean… Everything is paid off! So many zeros (and in a good way!).

Two and a half years ago I realized I had a lot of school debt, credit card debt, and half my car still left to pay off with not a lot of income… nervous with how I’d manage it all, I enrolled in this program through church, Financial Peace with Dave Ramsey. Now this program may not work for everyone, but it was my saving grace. It made my $25k (plus or minus) on my (at the time) $10/hr income manageable. Shortly after I started the program I moved home to be able to dedicate more of my money to my debt with hopes of speeding up the process. My goal was to be debt-free before moving back out on my own. That would have been December 2011, however I made a few decisions to prolong my debt payoff that were worth the wait.

In December I could have paid the last chunk I owed on my car and been done, but I was presented with the opportunity to start my own business (a dream I’ve had since I was a child), but it would take funds that I didn’t have to my name. My choices: take a small business loan and wait until July, 2012 to be completely debt free or pay off the car and save up for the business and wait until much later to start my business with money of my own. After doing a little math I realized if I started the business and prolonged the debt payoff, I’d be able to bring in a bit more income to pay off the loans quicker than if I chose the second option. So I went with it. Absolutely the best decision I ever made! So now, I’m debt-free at 25, I have my own business on top of my full-time job, and all the extra money will be put in my savings for the day that I can say “I work for myself full-time.”

Unbelievable how much everything is falling into place. I’m so blessed and thankful all the hard work is paying off. Oh hey life, you’re not too shabby after all!

Everything happens for a reason

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Yes, I’m that annoying voice in your ear when something goes wrong saying, “you know, everything happens for a reason… it’ll all work out in the end, and if it hasn’t, then it’s not yet the end.” However, I know…it’s a lot easier said than done. I definitely have my moments where I whine and cry, “but whhyyyy me? Whhhyyyyy me?!” Yes… anyone who knows me, can generally attest this is pretty accurate. Yet, once I’ve gotten a good “ICK, is this real life?” out of my system, I think to myself, “you know, you sure do preach a lot of hot air with that ‘everything happens for a reason’ nonsense, maybe you should just breath and listen to that advice yourself.” So I breath (sometimes too quickly… almost hyperventilating… then remind myself to breath … slowly, slowly being the key word)… and I focus on the pieces as if my life were one gigantic puzzle with really itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny pieces that have those shapes to them that are awfully difficult to piece together easily (you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?)… but I’m determined to make it fit. So I focus or at least attempt to… and possibly (in the mean time) tell a few more people “everything happens for a reason” in order to try to convince myself it’s true.

-breathe-

Then I find myself in a day like today… where you see the pieces from another angle and magically your eyes can see the pattern more clearly with a crisp alignment. That moment is one of the best feelings I’ve felt in a long time. It’s like everything that has happened over the last year or so almost instantly made sense. I now can appreciate each piece for what it’s been, how it fits into this puzzle of a life, why some pieces didn’t fit where I wanted them to, and why other pieces didn’t quite fit yet… Evidently, I was missing some of those key connecting pieces (you know the ones with goofy shapes on all sides… not one of those easy corner pieces).

Ah ha! moment happened. That light is on. Watch out life puzzle… moving full speed ahead.

On the long road ahead

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On my drive home yesterday from my friend’s wedding in Lawrenceburg, KY I had a long beautiful drive to evaluate my life, my career, and the things that make me happiest. There have been a lot of thoughts rolling through my head recently about my career path, what has kept me happy recently and from that, what it’ll take to keep my happiness for the long-term. Driving yesterday answered some of that. This weekend adventure helped me realize that each time I am able to get away and see things that I don’t see every day, all of those stresses that I hold onto disappear, even if only for those few days. Now, I know that I can’t afford to do adventures like this every weekend… but I’ve realized that the monotony of going to work in the same environment every day, coming home to work more in the same environment every day, and having such a jammed pack schedule that consists of a lot of work (I’m not complaining about working… just the monotony of the schedule) is really wearing on me. I need change, I need flexibility, and I need a little adventure.

You see, I was blessed and cursed at the same time by having the parents that I have. They exposed me to long road trips up and down the east coast, to camping, tubing, state parks, crowds, and a variety of other adventurous outings. They reminded my sister, brother, and me that we could do anything that we put our minds to (and actually meant it), that we were responsible to make our own decisions (which meant we were also responsible for accepting all consequences when we made stupid decisions), and that life should be whatever makes us happy. Blessing right? I think so. Yet, at times I also find it to be a curse because I’m unable to find contentment. And maybe that’s a good thing, but sometimes… it definitely causes an unsettling stir in my lifestyle.

Due to my inability to find contentment with my lifestyle and constant desire to want more, I often hear that my head is in the clouds, I live far from reality, and that it’s all just a set up for disappointment… don’t worry, sometimes I think that too. But when I make those long drives and I have the opportunity to see parts of the world through fresh eyes, I’m reminded that anything is possible and that there is a lot more out there. The world was meant to be explored, not overlooked by monotonous activity.

I want to see the world. I want to make a difference. I want more.

Who am I again?

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Super cheesy, I know… but it’s true.

Most of the time I feel like I’m moving forward at a speed I can’t keep up with (in a good way), I feel like I’ve accomplished so much in the past few months that I never could have imagined possible. Yet, some days I still find myself feeling those bitter feelings when I’m in certain situations or reminded of where I thought my life was going… that feeling just creeps up, like hives (bleh… gross).

Does that bitter feeling ever go away? I honestly am quite tired of feeling those negative things and I know my friends are most likely beyond tired of hearing about them.

I mean, I am finally in a place in my life where I want to be single. Regardless of those occasional lingering bitter feelings, it’s literally the first time I think I’ve ever felt content with being single. That may sound silly (because it is), but in all honesty, I guess I’m somewhat of a serial monogamous and absolutely a hopeless romantic. But after 25 1/2 years, I’ve come to the conclusion (oh wait, here’s the kicker) I need to figure me out a LOT more before I can figure anyone else out (no matter how much I enjoy dissecting the male brain… ha, sick, I know, who actually enjoys that?).

Wow, imagine that, what a realization. (Do you hear my sarcasm?… Okay sister-friend, you can now say: “I told you so.” Go ahead, I’m giving you permission).

Just gonna keep looking forward. Gosh, 25 is such an awkward age. Thank God I’m almost 26… oh wait… is that a good thing? Ha… Guess I’ll have to let you know…

To be continued?

The motivation I needed to change

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This morning I was scrolling through my Twitter News Feed before work and came across a link to a post that refreshed my mind, gave me new perspective, and helped re-energize my drive in a way I didn’t think was possible by the written word. Timing could not have been more perfect. While I shared this blog post with a few different people after I read it and I posted a link to my Facebook, the more I’ve let my mind think on what J.D. said, the more compelled I am to share it with a larger number of you. It is a rather long entry, but it is worth every minute it takes to read it in its entirety.

As I read through each scenario or example J.D. shared, it hit home on several points that really got me thinking. You see, I’ve been internally struggling recently because I truly fear becoming complacent, I fear settling, I fear failure. I’ve made excuses for why I can’t do those very things I’ve set out to do, I get lost in not understanding how to generate revenue in my career choice, I get caught up in the what-if’s, and most of all I, myself, am my worst hater.

I’ve come to realize that others put more faith in my work and my drive than I do, I’ve allowed myself to not see my potential. I know I’m smart and I know I work hard, but a majority of the time I just see a lot of wheels spinning in place, which I find discouraging. J.D., I’d like to thank you for inspiring me to keep pushing through, to focus, and to make change when I’m not happy — change is okay. I only wish I could have heard you give this speech in person. We have a new addition to the bucket list, I think I’ll add: attend the World Domination Summit in 2013.

Please read, soak in, and be inspired. Make change happen, whatever that may be for you.

(just in case you’ve miss each link to the blog post I’m referring to, here’s one more attempt to encourage you to read it… so READ it! –> The Power of Personal Transformation: Change Your Self, Change the world)