Category Archives: Virginia

Finding comfort in dreams

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enjoy-in-love10I had a dream last night that I found him, that I was laying with my head in his lap as he combed through my hair with his fingertips. He listened as I opened up about my deepest fears in letting someone love me. I shared with him my fear of imposing my life on another’s, how I’ve continually allowed for guys to hide me for fear of their open rejection, my continual “settling” for less than what I know I need for fear of not being worthy of finding it, my lack of strength to not falter in my passions and goals in order to be flexible and accommodating to someone else’s… and as I let each fear roll off my tongue he sat there combing through my hair with his fingertips, listening to every word I spoke allowing me to finish my full thought. As I finished he looked down at me with this reassuring and comforting love in his eyes and said, “I wish those fears were not your concerns. I love you for all that you are and all that you’ll be. I want to show you that you’re my world and that I want to help you let go of those fears.” I immediately felt this calming sensation flow through me. I felt comforted and warm, the tension eased away… he rubbed my back softly until I fell back asleep.He whispered to me, “everything will be okay, you’ll find me when the time is right, but until then, everything will be okay…”

dreamI woke up this morning so calm, with a strength I’ve never really felt before. I felt as though who ever “he” is knew me in a way no one else ever could, in a way that no one else ever will. He passed no judgement on the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been, and cherished all the good and bad that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I find an eerie comfort in that dream and today, I’m okay with all that I am and all that I’ve become. And I’m reminded… Everything will be okay.

V-to-the-B… ver-ON-i-CA!

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It’s amazing how much one person can truly impact your life without you fully understanding to what extent. The past few weeks I’ve been super sappy and reflecting on memories, going through old photos and trying not to be too selfish with the time left (I say that as if someone is on their death-bed… gosh, I’m such an overdramatic sap sometimes… Lady V will never let me live this one down). It’s funny though, I’ve really taken it for granted how close we’ve lived near each other the last few months (and years for that matter) and in less than 24 hours she’ll be on her way to a life 637 miles  (yes, I google mapped it, don’t judge) from mine… that’s 11 hours and a passport away! Yep, I said passport… Lady V has finally achieved the International Badass title (about damn time!) that we’ve been waiting for since… well, since as long as I’ve known her. When we were 18 we schemed up a plan to make her English dream-life a reality… I mean, we had it down to the late night/early morning kidnapping-drive to the airport and everything. It was fool-proof, I swear… Parent proof… maybe not so much. Even though this time there will be no grand escapes, it still seems as though this adventure seems to be one more worth sharing.

But I’m so not ready for her move now! Excited, but not ready. This lady has helped shape my sarcasm (no matter how bad it still is, she’s determine to not give up), my badassness (okay, maybe I’m not that badass, but I like to think that part of her rubbed off on me) and my appreciation for metal (yes a little poppy-blonde does stand out at a kickass metal show). She has been the logic to my dramatic emotions, the voice of reason that I tend to lack, yet continues to listen without judging when I share my outrageous stories, feelings and life “troubles.”

Lady V is something else I tell ya. I’ve always found myself intrigued by her and I guess that’s why I cherish our friendship in the ways that I do. She’s most unlike any friend you’ll ever have or ever meet… you see, Lady V in a nutshell is a badass-metalhead twisted with a true southern belle… she’s hardcore with class, leather jacket and pearls… she’s a friend my life can’t survive without.

We’ve been through high school awkwardness to college adjustments to post-college uncertainty and strategically grown lives that are destined for greatness. Here’s to a new chapter that I may not physically be there to witness, but I’m so happy to be on the sidelines for. You have so much to offer this world and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have the opportunity to watch you take on a new country (even if it is Canada. Okay, bad joke). Never forget your southern roots, the HB love, and all of the ridiculous adventures we’ve had over the years… you, my dear, is what a friend is made of and I thank you for teaching me that. Now go teach Canada the VB way!

The wildman that brought me peace

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While I’ve found myself opening up more with each post, there are still so many things I don’t share with the blog-o-sphere. Family stories being at the top of my list. You see, over the last few years my family has had its up’s and down’s… we’ve struggled to say the least, but my realization recently: what family hasn’t? I’m ashamed to say, that at times I’ve found myself disappointed and embarrased by my family troubles… that statement: possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever written and actually formed into words outside of my head.

You see, at 22 and at the end of my senior year of college my parents separated. This moment was probably the most earth-shattering moment of my life, or so I thought. It’s taken me three and a half years to be comfortable enough to even talk about it without it bringing tears to my eyes. This separation tore my family apart, all of us going in separate directions and taking (or trying not to take) sides. I found myself hating holidays, birthdays, and any occassion where I felt like one parent would be left out… in those cases I began avoiding the outing all together. Instead of leaving one out, I’d just exclude myself all together in order to eliminate the feeling of “choosing sides.”

At 22 (and now almost 26) you would think it would be an easier concept to understand, but in all honesty, it wasn’t… I think (and I say I think because I’ve never been in an 8-year-old’s shoes that went through a divorce/separation) it would be easier for me to be young and ignorant to the concept of family than a young adult who had a complete family to lean on for 20+ years only to have that foundation crumble. As you can imagine, this has definitely played a role in my life as I’ve searched for love and worked to re-define my independence, yet I still never saw how I would find peace in my parents’ relationship and its effect on our family.

Surprisingly enough, it took one young man, one wildman to lead my heart to peace. It took that wildman to open all of our eyes to the many miscommunications, the words being left unsaid, and the need for family in whatever form that might take. It allowed me to be honest (even moreso with myself) with how I felt, open about it’s effect on my life, and capable of accepting it for what it is. For the first time in three and a half years, I feel this relieving peace with my family, my parents, and the path we’re now on together, because regardless of whether or not my parents are “together,” I now understand that we will always be a family… and we will always need each other in one way or another. I just want you each to know that no matter how hard things get (because I know they will), Pops, Mama T, Sister-Friend, and Wildman, you four have the deepest love in my heart, that will forever be the truth.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
 

I did it! 25 and DEBT FREE!

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It’s like that Elle moment at the end of Legally Blonde… “I did it!” (Yes, I expect you to read that in her squeaky, high-pitch voice in order to get the full effect.) I’m that excited. You see I’ve been working seriously away at my debt for a solid 2 1/2 years. Woo. It’s been a lonnng 2 1/2 years! At times I never thought I’d see the day when everything was 100% paid off… but it’s here. That day has finally arrived. My car is officially mine, my school loans are paid, my business loan paid, those credit cards are completely clean… Everything is paid off! So many zeros (and in a good way!).

Two and a half years ago I realized I had a lot of school debt, credit card debt, and half my car still left to pay off with not a lot of income… nervous with how I’d manage it all, I enrolled in this program through church, Financial Peace with Dave Ramsey. Now this program may not work for everyone, but it was my saving grace. It made my $25k (plus or minus) on my (at the time) $10/hr income manageable. Shortly after I started the program I moved home to be able to dedicate more of my money to my debt with hopes of speeding up the process. My goal was to be debt-free before moving back out on my own. That would have been December 2011, however I made a few decisions to prolong my debt payoff that were worth the wait.

In December I could have paid the last chunk I owed on my car and been done, but I was presented with the opportunity to start my own business (a dream I’ve had since I was a child), but it would take funds that I didn’t have to my name. My choices: take a small business loan and wait until July, 2012 to be completely debt free or pay off the car and save up for the business and wait until much later to start my business with money of my own. After doing a little math I realized if I started the business and prolonged the debt payoff, I’d be able to bring in a bit more income to pay off the loans quicker than if I chose the second option. So I went with it. Absolutely the best decision I ever made! So now, I’m debt-free at 25, I have my own business on top of my full-time job, and all the extra money will be put in my savings for the day that I can say “I work for myself full-time.”

Unbelievable how much everything is falling into place. I’m so blessed and thankful all the hard work is paying off. Oh hey life, you’re not too shabby after all!

On the long road ahead

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On my drive home yesterday from my friend’s wedding in Lawrenceburg, KY I had a long beautiful drive to evaluate my life, my career, and the things that make me happiest. There have been a lot of thoughts rolling through my head recently about my career path, what has kept me happy recently and from that, what it’ll take to keep my happiness for the long-term. Driving yesterday answered some of that. This weekend adventure helped me realize that each time I am able to get away and see things that I don’t see every day, all of those stresses that I hold onto disappear, even if only for those few days. Now, I know that I can’t afford to do adventures like this every weekend… but I’ve realized that the monotony of going to work in the same environment every day, coming home to work more in the same environment every day, and having such a jammed pack schedule that consists of a lot of work (I’m not complaining about working… just the monotony of the schedule) is really wearing on me. I need change, I need flexibility, and I need a little adventure.

You see, I was blessed and cursed at the same time by having the parents that I have. They exposed me to long road trips up and down the east coast, to camping, tubing, state parks, crowds, and a variety of other adventurous outings. They reminded my sister, brother, and me that we could do anything that we put our minds to (and actually meant it), that we were responsible to make our own decisions (which meant we were also responsible for accepting all consequences when we made stupid decisions), and that life should be whatever makes us happy. Blessing right? I think so. Yet, at times I also find it to be a curse because I’m unable to find contentment. And maybe that’s a good thing, but sometimes… it definitely causes an unsettling stir in my lifestyle.

Due to my inability to find contentment with my lifestyle and constant desire to want more, I often hear that my head is in the clouds, I live far from reality, and that it’s all just a set up for disappointment… don’t worry, sometimes I think that too. But when I make those long drives and I have the opportunity to see parts of the world through fresh eyes, I’m reminded that anything is possible and that there is a lot more out there. The world was meant to be explored, not overlooked by monotonous activity.

I want to see the world. I want to make a difference. I want more.

Who am I again?

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Super cheesy, I know… but it’s true.

Most of the time I feel like I’m moving forward at a speed I can’t keep up with (in a good way), I feel like I’ve accomplished so much in the past few months that I never could have imagined possible. Yet, some days I still find myself feeling those bitter feelings when I’m in certain situations or reminded of where I thought my life was going… that feeling just creeps up, like hives (bleh… gross).

Does that bitter feeling ever go away? I honestly am quite tired of feeling those negative things and I know my friends are most likely beyond tired of hearing about them.

I mean, I am finally in a place in my life where I want to be single. Regardless of those occasional lingering bitter feelings, it’s literally the first time I think I’ve ever felt content with being single. That may sound silly (because it is), but in all honesty, I guess I’m somewhat of a serial monogamous and absolutely a hopeless romantic. But after 25 1/2 years, I’ve come to the conclusion (oh wait, here’s the kicker) I need to figure me out a LOT more before I can figure anyone else out (no matter how much I enjoy dissecting the male brain… ha, sick, I know, who actually enjoys that?).

Wow, imagine that, what a realization. (Do you hear my sarcasm?… Okay sister-friend, you can now say: “I told you so.” Go ahead, I’m giving you permission).

Just gonna keep looking forward. Gosh, 25 is such an awkward age. Thank God I’m almost 26… oh wait… is that a good thing? Ha… Guess I’ll have to let you know…

To be continued?

Oh hello Friday the 13th… thanks for the week.

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This has by far been one of the worst weeks… thank you Hell for rising on the days leading up to Friday the 13th (and no, I am not normally that superstitious). I have literally not made eye contact with anyone since possibly 8am Monday. Ohhh thank you Year-End reporting for making me so extremely kind to those who are stuck having to interact with me. However, I took a break to vent to my darling friend at lunch, pretty lady who shall remain nameless. I tell ya, she may be the reason i’m currently still sane.

Warning: we are not that sane. Read at your own risk:

Pretty lady:  welllll I am doing research on Rehoboth vacation rentals for your b-day
just fyi :)

me:  wooty woooo! im ready for that vacay thats fo sho
Pretty lady:   oh man me too hahah
me:  Beach house in the fall will be so nice! sweatshirts!
Pretty lady:   I KNOW! khakis and sweat shirts hahah
slambakes!
Pretty lady:   *clambakes
me:  HAHAHAHAHA
I was like uhm? slambakes? is that a drug reference
Pretty lady: HAHA
knowing me I would think it is
me:  hahaha i definitely thought it was
i was like uhm no idea but ok? ill do whatever pretty lady does
shes a smart girl
lol
Pretty lady: hahahaha
no you should question me when I start saying slambake
also you have to realize I will now be using it as a word
me:  Gosh I hope you will! how might we use this new word we’ve discovered? “That’s such a slambake uhg i cant believe you went there!” or “THAT”S SO SLAMBAKE!! AWESOME!!”
Pretty lady: SO SLAMBAKE
hahahaha
me: done
Pretty lady:   I love it
me:  hows your wed, anything hump-tastic?
hah… sorry i am trying to be humorous
im failing quite terribly
crash and burnnnnn
slash and burrnnnn
psssssssshooooooo
Pretty lady: HAHAHAHHA
weeelllll it was hump-tastic alright
me:  that was the crash sound
hahaha well that doesnt sound bad
you know it’s 1 week until you’re a quarter of a century
you ready for that step?
Pretty lady:   I dunno…
OH
me:  yesss?
Pretty lady:   So Mr. Manly Man (or triple M for short) asked if he could cook me dinner for the night of my b-day
since he will be gone that weekend and it’s girls weekend
 Pretty lady: cute right?!
me:  UHM YESSS! that’s not even a question! OF COURSE THAT”S FN CUTE
Pretty lady:   I was like um of course you can you beautiful man!!!!
me:  SO cute!
Pretty lady: hahaha
he’s trying to woo me I like it
me:  you can sit out on the balcony and stare into each others eyes in the moon light
Pretty lady:   hahahahah! sawwwooon
me:  let that manly man woo the britches off of you
Pretty lady:   HAHAHAH! omg
 me:  sawwwwoooon
 Pretty lady: that quote needs to be written down
me:  I just choked on my smoothie when i read that
Pretty lady:   let that manly man woo the britches off of you hahahha
me: wooing is happening
under the moonlight
Pretty lady:   hahaha!
me:  please feed him
or let him feed you
like a bird
lol
Pretty lady:   hahaha I’ll kneel on the ground and act like a baby bird
me:  omgosh ive lost it lol
HAHAHAH
Pretty lady:   and he’ll say “if you’re a bird I’m a bird”
me:  YESSSSSS
PLEASE
Pretty lady:   and it will be so romantic
me:  OMGOSH PLEASE
Pretty lady:   SOOOOO SLAMBAKE
me:  So Slambake!!
Pretty lady:   hahaha you are cracking me up
me:  OMGosh you possibly were the first person to make me laugh today and what a laugh this is
Pretty lady:   hahahaha I really hope it’s as awesome as we are imagining it right now
my face hurts from trying to hold the laughing in
me:  HAHAHA mine toooo

I did warn you we weren’t sane… yes, these are pretty typical conversations when one of us is on the edge of losing their mind… and yes we realize that we are most likely the only two people in this universe that find our conversations that hilarious (I’ve mentioned before I laugh at my own jokes, right?)… eh it happens, don’t judge.

I also have Mama T to thank for a smile-cracker shortly after this lightened mood. She forced my brother to hand-deliver the below:

Yes, my parents call me Squi. Don’t hate… they were rhymers…

That road gets me every time…

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http://www.becomingwhitney.com/date-day/

The other night I found myself driving late in the night down a moonlit, abandoned road distracted by my thoughts. Still in my pearls, black dress from work, and heels with my hair pinned perfectly back, I rolled down my windows so I could feel the Summer night rush through my car as the Avett Brothers‘ lyrics echoed along the empty street. As the wind moved through me, I unpinned my hair, letting the wind breeze tangles in what once was perfectly restricted from any movement. I leaned down with one hand still on the steering wheel and slipped my black peep-toe heels off so I could better feel the path I had found myself traveling down.

These nights are the nights that capture my soul and let my mind wander to places my focus conveniently ignores during the week. It was at this moment I realized the last few months I have truly just been going through the motions of daily life obligations. Work has consumed my mind, focus, and everything inside of me to the point that I’ve forgotten much of what I found when I began this path of redefining my independence. I thought back to how much I’ve grown into my skin over the last ten months, but for whatever reason, I’d lost a bit of that while getting caught up in the old insecurities, unrealistic fears, and those unworthy, yet quite influential opinions. That comfort I found in myself had tip toed out for a break without me even noticing. But the world wouldn’t sit quietly any longer and watch… the wind wanted to break my rigid motion, the stars wanted to spark my curiosity, and the moon wanted to guide me down an untraveled and quite unrestricted road… focus has been recaptured and awaken from the hazy daze of routine life I found myself in and I’m reminded:

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” ― Harvey MacKay

I’m trying to fully let go Harvey, really trying.

I watched the sun set from the top of the world

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… Or so it felt. Last weekend Mr. Gentleman Caller and I took quite the adventurous journey to the highest point in West Virginia, which just so happens to be only about a three hour drive from my apartment. The original plan didn’t begin here however, the top of the world sensation only happened by chance… and it was one hell of a breathtaking  chance if you ask me.

Originally we had goals of camping in a National Park and walking almost type-rope across this incredible swinging bridge we found in a picture online… we had no clue if it really existed, but we were determined to find it.

Saturday morning we began our venture west. Remember earlier how I said it was a three hour drive? Well we turned it into a full day of driving (do not mistake that fact for complaint… it was part of what made this adventure adventure-worthy). Driving with no set time, directions, or pre-planned destination is one of my absolute favorite things. So that’s exactly what we did. I sat shotgun with an atlas and a camera as we found ourselves on roads you could never find on Google Maps, no matter how close you zoomed in on satellite view. Thank goodness for my mom’s sense of adventure and my dad’s impecable sense of direction that I’ve graciously inherited.

In search of our old swinging bridge, Mr. Gentleman Caller zoomed around turns and down mountain sides that tricked my stomach into thinking I was on the most beautiful roller coaster any life could have experienced. The swinging bridge was found, but unfortunately it was a four to six hour hike and being that we turned our adventure into a roadtrip extravaganza, this would have to be saved for another trip (*fingers crossed* with hope there will be a next trip). Upon finding this bridge, we also came across this newly opened log cabin adventure motel & rustic cabin rentals aka Nelson Rocks Outdoor Center (if you ever find yourself near the top of the world of WV, definitely check into this spot, I loved every bit of it!).

Since the bridge was out, we ventured on to accomplish original goal number two of our adventure: find a breathtaking location to photograph the sunset. See, Mr. Gentleman Caller and I may possibly have this ongoing bet of who is more obsessed with sunsets (I obviously am… he just hasn’t been clued in yet). There will be more on this bet in coming posts… you will be asked to weigh in, so get your poker faces straight and your voting fingers ready (because I will win… and you will assist me in this… duh).

Back to the goal! We heard that Spruce Knob was 17 miles from where we were and it just so happens Spruce Knob is the highest point in all of West Virginia (do you feel my story getting climatic? Are you connecting the dots? Yeah? Okay… I’ll continue). So these 17 miles possibly took all of an hour to drive because those 17 miles were made up of one long pin-curve, windy, dirt road only wide enough for one small car that we managed to fit a large vehicle on it’s path… it was working out for the most part until we came head on with a rather large RV that was most definitely no small car… predicament? Yes slightly… Well, it only made it a bit more exciting… or at lease I, as co-pilot (not driver with someone else’s life in their hands, no pressure right?) thought it made it a bit more exciting.

Finally we made it to the top… the breathtaking spot to properly photograph a Saturday evening sunset. Only, we had no idea just how breathtaking it would turn out to be. The hike to the highest point turned into hiking off the trail to find ourselves on this grassy knoll that had a 360 degree view of the entire state… no big deal right? Possibly one of the most beautiful views I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Mr. Gentleman Caller lucked out in his chivalrous courting extravaganza with this spot where we sat and ate our picnic dinner as we nerd-ishly shared photography tips while the sun set it’s pink and orange tints over the blue-hued mountaintops. Breathtaking? No, I think there are no real words for what this truly was… breathtaking was only one aspect of it.

Take a look for yourself, but know that no photograph will ever do this view justice, not even in the littlest bit.

On the drive up the mountain

Setting up the picnic exactly in the middle of this grassy knoll

It’s an Earthquake… no… not quite…

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Today is a slightly grumpy day, which could be contributed to the fact that I was woken up for the second time by my creepy 60-something year-old neighbor again at 12am, 3am, and quarter ’till 7am (okay, that last time, I should have been up already… but maybe if I slept solid through the night, I would have been… just a thought.) You may be wondering why creepy-man neighbor is waking me up. Hm, maybe because creepy-man neighbor has been hitting the Viagra too hard. You may ask why I know this, well hold your horses with these questions, because I’m about to clue you in.

A couple of weeks ago I had an extremely tough couple of days and just wanted to go to sleep early and yes, it was only 9pm, but I deserved an early night. With my headphones in I started to drift off to sleep when I heard really strange voices. At first I thought it was my roommate watching something on tv (she’s usually extremely quiet, so I wasn’t going to complain if that’s all it was.) However, the voices got louder and I couldn’t drown them out with the music in my ears. So I popped my headphones out and listened for a minute, my windows were open, so it could very well have been the neighbors downstairs that hang out on their balcony a lot (still wasn’t going to complain if this were the case either, they’re cool neighbors.) But then, I couldn’t decipher what I was hearing, if it was arguing, crying, or laughter… so I sat up and put my glasses on (because if I can’t see… I usually can’t hear as well, don’t question my quirks… I swear vision is connected to hearing.) That’s when I see my heavy-ass wall mirror shaking. I then notice my picture frames are equally shaking… first thought: earthquake? No… no… it cannot be my second thought… ewww… yes, why yes it certainly is the second thought.

I must say, at first I was like “good for you old man, you got a pretty wife… good for you.” But then I heard the ENTIRE conversation, and yes I said conversation… because there was an actual conversation that took place. Turns out… creepy-man neighbor (and this is why I call him creepy-man) took some young 20-something home from a bar while his wife was out-of-town. Evidently, she’s a Filipino, but American born. She does not speak any foreign language, although she has a really fake accent (is that hot or something?). She just finished college, like just finished college… yet she didn’t sound like the brightest crayon in the box (and yes that is me judging… I did say I was slightly grumpy.) She giggles obnoxiously and he talks a mile a minute (he sounded like a 5-year-old that just met Mickey Mouse for the first time.)

Evidently, they were drunk watching the hockey game at a bar downtown and he started talking to her and she liked his passion for hockey? So tip to you guys out there looking for a young 20-something… hockey is the way in… literally… ew. Bad joke.

Anyway, that first time was more than enough for me to be creeped out by him. Between my mirror almost breaking and fears of meeting creepy-man neighbor’s wrestle-partner in my bedroom with sounds of my wall breaking in by bed force, I’d say it was a one-time thing, I hoped.

Nope. This morning… 12am… 3am… AND freaking, quarter ’till 7am… my dreams of sugar-plums and other sweet things were offended by the disruptive wall banging and loud vocals. I swear… they should consider video, sounds like they’re Internet-ready. Bleh. Gross. Yes… I cannot believe I just said that either.

What do I do??