Tag Archives: Women

You’re the social media person… own it.

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I struggle often with the balance between writing what I think or feel and writing what I know will be received well. These last few months I’ve struggled a lot with what is and isn’t appropriate for this blog, which has resulted in a lot of not writing. It’s strange that I can coach other people on being open and honest, but I, myself, struggle to achieve the perfect level of vulnerability.

This past week I received the most bizarrely-blunt advice that I could have ever needed to hear, changing my outlook on how my life is slowly piecing together. It continues to play over in my ears and I’m still trying to figure out what that means for me.

I’ve found myself becoming more distant recently from friends and people I have always had a strong connection with because there is so much doubt in what I’m doing and my recent life choices. All of which have been hard for me to swallow because I feel like I used to provide a strong support for others, that I just can’t understand the lack of support I have recently received. Maybe it’s all my perception and projection of my insecurities… that’s quite possible. Regardless, the cutting words I hear often each day (whether said with malicious intent or not) have worn deeply on my spirit and it wasn’t really until my coffee meeting last week that I understood how somewhat lonely of a life I may be choosing. Yet, if given the option, I’d choose this path each time over and over again.

So few people will ever understand my decisions, my desires, or my goals. That is out of my control. What is in my control is my reaction to this lack of understanding.  Instead of feeling hurt or bullied out of doing what makes my heart feel whole, I need to continue to seek out others who have been through what I’m experiencing: those that have chosen a path of work-life integration, those that are working close to 80 hours a week to avoid the 40-hour workweek, those that understand the desire to have more than a job, but instead this rare lifestyle that I’m so determined to obtain.

The path to independent working is a long, yet very worthwhile, road. It’s my path of choice, and the only option my life will accept. It’s a matter of ignoring the assumptions, judgment, and ill commentary. Instead, finding empowerment in knowing what I do makes a difference; empowerment in knowing one day I will contribute to increased efficiencies in communication and business interactions.

When I let people impose their judgments on my lifestyle, I need to remember… it’s just not acceptable. It’s not worth missing deadlines because I’m keeping to-do lists on sticky notes that I continually lose all because I’m too afraid of pulling my phone out when in the public eye for fear of the never-ending jokes of my “addiction” to technology. I need to remember to remind myself of that bizarrely-blunt and needed advice I got that day: “You’re the social media person. Own it. And to hell with them.”

“Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you are born to stand out” 

V-to-the-B… ver-ON-i-CA!

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It’s amazing how much one person can truly impact your life without you fully understanding to what extent. The past few weeks I’ve been super sappy and reflecting on memories, going through old photos and trying not to be too selfish with the time left (I say that as if someone is on their death-bed… gosh, I’m such an overdramatic sap sometimes… Lady V will never let me live this one down). It’s funny though, I’ve really taken it for granted how close we’ve lived near each other the last few months (and years for that matter) and in less than 24 hours she’ll be on her way to a life 637 miles  (yes, I google mapped it, don’t judge) from mine… that’s 11 hours and a passport away! Yep, I said passport… Lady V has finally achieved the International Badass title (about damn time!) that we’ve been waiting for since… well, since as long as I’ve known her. When we were 18 we schemed up a plan to make her English dream-life a reality… I mean, we had it down to the late night/early morning kidnapping-drive to the airport and everything. It was fool-proof, I swear… Parent proof… maybe not so much. Even though this time there will be no grand escapes, it still seems as though this adventure seems to be one more worth sharing.

But I’m so not ready for her move now! Excited, but not ready. This lady has helped shape my sarcasm (no matter how bad it still is, she’s determine to not give up), my badassness (okay, maybe I’m not that badass, but I like to think that part of her rubbed off on me) and my appreciation for metal (yes a little poppy-blonde does stand out at a kickass metal show). She has been the logic to my dramatic emotions, the voice of reason that I tend to lack, yet continues to listen without judging when I share my outrageous stories, feelings and life “troubles.”

Lady V is something else I tell ya. I’ve always found myself intrigued by her and I guess that’s why I cherish our friendship in the ways that I do. She’s most unlike any friend you’ll ever have or ever meet… you see, Lady V in a nutshell is a badass-metalhead twisted with a true southern belle… she’s hardcore with class, leather jacket and pearls… she’s a friend my life can’t survive without.

We’ve been through high school awkwardness to college adjustments to post-college uncertainty and strategically grown lives that are destined for greatness. Here’s to a new chapter that I may not physically be there to witness, but I’m so happy to be on the sidelines for. You have so much to offer this world and I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have the opportunity to watch you take on a new country (even if it is Canada. Okay, bad joke). Never forget your southern roots, the HB love, and all of the ridiculous adventures we’ve had over the years… you, my dear, is what a friend is made of and I thank you for teaching me that. Now go teach Canada the VB way!

Breathe in, breathe out… and move on.

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“Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It’s not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make, period.”

This morning when I was scrolling through Facebook, I stumbled across this quote. At first I read it and wasn’t impressed… but then re-read it and let it sink in on my drive to work. I needed to read this. I needed to think about it. And I needed to embrace it.

I’ve been frustrated recently because “so and so is being difficult,” or “so and so is too negative,” or “my work is too demanding,” or “my job isn’t what I want it to be,” or “I don’t live where I want to live…” and how the list tends to drag on. But the key here is, I am able and responsible for how I choose to let these factors affect me. It is true, I am responsible for my decisions and only I am to blame for how I allow myself to react or feel about any given situation. Sure, situations may provoke me or open the door for poor response… but I need to work on my reaction and my awareness of what I do have control over.

This is a hard realization for me because I do take everything (and I mean EVVERRRRR-Y-Thing) to heart (y’all that know me, know). My insecurities influence my feelings to think that every nasty, negativity is targeting me. That I matter so much (or so little) that every whisper is a judgment of me, every short response is a jab or has deeper meaning. I need to work on trusting in who I am and what I stand for in order to feel at peace with my surroundings. When I feel as though the world is closing in on me and suffocating my every move, I need to learn how to breathe, breathe deeply and remind myself that I do have control of my decisions. I have the ability to make something more out of what I’m given.

I think it’s time for me to breathe in… breathe out… and move on.

What a year!

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It’s hard to believe it has been a year since I started this blog… well, it was officially a year this past Friday, but I was on wedding overload… and no, not my wedding. Come on, you read this thing, you should know that I’d clue you in if I was making those kinda changes in my life… give me another 10 years for that (and yes, I can add, I know that puts me at 35 going on 36… don’t judge).

The wedding that took place this weekend was kind of perfect for my year anniversary of the beginnings of my epic adventures. It gave me the opportunity to witness two people who whole-heartedly deserved the beautiful celebration they received and all the love they were showered with. The Most Classy Gal, as she was named in the toast given by Crazy K, has been an inspiration to me over the last 10+ years that I’ve known her, but more specifically in the last three years that I’ve been so fortunate to develop an even stronger friendship with her. The Most Classy Gal is the epitome of a good friend. She has never asked for anything and is forever giving with no expectations. She remembers every meeting, date, trip, and important event you tell her about, sending wishes of good luck before and inquiring about outcomes afterward. She remembers your favorite food, dessert (even if she can’t have it herself), and soda, being sure she stocks up for whenever (even if it’s months down the road) you might stop by next.

Watching The Most Classy Gal & her now husband receive everything she never asked for, but everything she ever deserved gave me chills. It reinforced almost everything my adventures this past year have stood for: finding happiness, love, and the independence & strength she has that I so desire.

I’ve been blessed by being surrounded by friends and family very much like The Most Classy Gal and empowered to move away from those that were toxic. It has been quite a whirlwind of learning, observing, and moving on. Growing up has never been so intense and exciting at the same time. I strive to one day be a friend to the level that The Most Classy Gal is without trying and I will continue to find new adventures that test my strength and broadened my appreciation for other lifestyles & cultures. This year has been a turning point in my life and I will be forever grateful for all that have encouraged me, comforted me, loved me, and pushed me to work harder. This year was only the beginning, I can’t wait to see what’s next. Here’s to the continuation of a mid-twenties’ take on life, love, and discovering independence.

I did it! 25 and DEBT FREE!

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It’s like that Elle moment at the end of Legally Blonde… “I did it!” (Yes, I expect you to read that in her squeaky, high-pitch voice in order to get the full effect.) I’m that excited. You see I’ve been working seriously away at my debt for a solid 2 1/2 years. Woo. It’s been a lonnng 2 1/2 years! At times I never thought I’d see the day when everything was 100% paid off… but it’s here. That day has finally arrived. My car is officially mine, my school loans are paid, my business loan paid, those credit cards are completely clean… Everything is paid off! So many zeros (and in a good way!).

Two and a half years ago I realized I had a lot of school debt, credit card debt, and half my car still left to pay off with not a lot of income… nervous with how I’d manage it all, I enrolled in this program through church, Financial Peace with Dave Ramsey. Now this program may not work for everyone, but it was my saving grace. It made my $25k (plus or minus) on my (at the time) $10/hr income manageable. Shortly after I started the program I moved home to be able to dedicate more of my money to my debt with hopes of speeding up the process. My goal was to be debt-free before moving back out on my own. That would have been December 2011, however I made a few decisions to prolong my debt payoff that were worth the wait.

In December I could have paid the last chunk I owed on my car and been done, but I was presented with the opportunity to start my own business (a dream I’ve had since I was a child), but it would take funds that I didn’t have to my name. My choices: take a small business loan and wait until July, 2012 to be completely debt free or pay off the car and save up for the business and wait until much later to start my business with money of my own. After doing a little math I realized if I started the business and prolonged the debt payoff, I’d be able to bring in a bit more income to pay off the loans quicker than if I chose the second option. So I went with it. Absolutely the best decision I ever made! So now, I’m debt-free at 25, I have my own business on top of my full-time job, and all the extra money will be put in my savings for the day that I can say “I work for myself full-time.”

Unbelievable how much everything is falling into place. I’m so blessed and thankful all the hard work is paying off. Oh hey life, you’re not too shabby after all!

Everything happens for a reason

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Yes, I’m that annoying voice in your ear when something goes wrong saying, “you know, everything happens for a reason… it’ll all work out in the end, and if it hasn’t, then it’s not yet the end.” However, I know…it’s a lot easier said than done. I definitely have my moments where I whine and cry, “but whhyyyy me? Whhhyyyyy me?!” Yes… anyone who knows me, can generally attest this is pretty accurate. Yet, once I’ve gotten a good “ICK, is this real life?” out of my system, I think to myself, “you know, you sure do preach a lot of hot air with that ‘everything happens for a reason’ nonsense, maybe you should just breath and listen to that advice yourself.” So I breath (sometimes too quickly… almost hyperventilating… then remind myself to breath … slowly, slowly being the key word)… and I focus on the pieces as if my life were one gigantic puzzle with really itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny pieces that have those shapes to them that are awfully difficult to piece together easily (you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?)… but I’m determined to make it fit. So I focus or at least attempt to… and possibly (in the mean time) tell a few more people “everything happens for a reason” in order to try to convince myself it’s true.

-breathe-

Then I find myself in a day like today… where you see the pieces from another angle and magically your eyes can see the pattern more clearly with a crisp alignment. That moment is one of the best feelings I’ve felt in a long time. It’s like everything that has happened over the last year or so almost instantly made sense. I now can appreciate each piece for what it’s been, how it fits into this puzzle of a life, why some pieces didn’t fit where I wanted them to, and why other pieces didn’t quite fit yet… Evidently, I was missing some of those key connecting pieces (you know the ones with goofy shapes on all sides… not one of those easy corner pieces).

Ah ha! moment happened. That light is on. Watch out life puzzle… moving full speed ahead.

Who am I again?

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Super cheesy, I know… but it’s true.

Most of the time I feel like I’m moving forward at a speed I can’t keep up with (in a good way), I feel like I’ve accomplished so much in the past few months that I never could have imagined possible. Yet, some days I still find myself feeling those bitter feelings when I’m in certain situations or reminded of where I thought my life was going… that feeling just creeps up, like hives (bleh… gross).

Does that bitter feeling ever go away? I honestly am quite tired of feeling those negative things and I know my friends are most likely beyond tired of hearing about them.

I mean, I am finally in a place in my life where I want to be single. Regardless of those occasional lingering bitter feelings, it’s literally the first time I think I’ve ever felt content with being single. That may sound silly (because it is), but in all honesty, I guess I’m somewhat of a serial monogamous and absolutely a hopeless romantic. But after 25 1/2 years, I’ve come to the conclusion (oh wait, here’s the kicker) I need to figure me out a LOT more before I can figure anyone else out (no matter how much I enjoy dissecting the male brain… ha, sick, I know, who actually enjoys that?).

Wow, imagine that, what a realization. (Do you hear my sarcasm?… Okay sister-friend, you can now say: “I told you so.” Go ahead, I’m giving you permission).

Just gonna keep looking forward. Gosh, 25 is such an awkward age. Thank God I’m almost 26… oh wait… is that a good thing? Ha… Guess I’ll have to let you know…

To be continued?

Oh hello Friday the 13th… thanks for the week.

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This has by far been one of the worst weeks… thank you Hell for rising on the days leading up to Friday the 13th (and no, I am not normally that superstitious). I have literally not made eye contact with anyone since possibly 8am Monday. Ohhh thank you Year-End reporting for making me so extremely kind to those who are stuck having to interact with me. However, I took a break to vent to my darling friend at lunch, pretty lady who shall remain nameless. I tell ya, she may be the reason i’m currently still sane.

Warning: we are not that sane. Read at your own risk:

Pretty lady:  welllll I am doing research on Rehoboth vacation rentals for your b-day
just fyi :)

me:  wooty woooo! im ready for that vacay thats fo sho
Pretty lady:   oh man me too hahah
me:  Beach house in the fall will be so nice! sweatshirts!
Pretty lady:   I KNOW! khakis and sweat shirts hahah
slambakes!
Pretty lady:   *clambakes
me:  HAHAHAHAHA
I was like uhm? slambakes? is that a drug reference
Pretty lady: HAHA
knowing me I would think it is
me:  hahaha i definitely thought it was
i was like uhm no idea but ok? ill do whatever pretty lady does
shes a smart girl
lol
Pretty lady: hahahaha
no you should question me when I start saying slambake
also you have to realize I will now be using it as a word
me:  Gosh I hope you will! how might we use this new word we’ve discovered? “That’s such a slambake uhg i cant believe you went there!” or “THAT”S SO SLAMBAKE!! AWESOME!!”
Pretty lady: SO SLAMBAKE
hahahaha
me: done
Pretty lady:   I love it
me:  hows your wed, anything hump-tastic?
hah… sorry i am trying to be humorous
im failing quite terribly
crash and burnnnnn
slash and burrnnnn
psssssssshooooooo
Pretty lady: HAHAHAHHA
weeelllll it was hump-tastic alright
me:  that was the crash sound
hahaha well that doesnt sound bad
you know it’s 1 week until you’re a quarter of a century
you ready for that step?
Pretty lady:   I dunno…
OH
me:  yesss?
Pretty lady:   So Mr. Manly Man (or triple M for short) asked if he could cook me dinner for the night of my b-day
since he will be gone that weekend and it’s girls weekend
 Pretty lady: cute right?!
me:  UHM YESSS! that’s not even a question! OF COURSE THAT”S FN CUTE
Pretty lady:   I was like um of course you can you beautiful man!!!!
me:  SO cute!
Pretty lady: hahaha
he’s trying to woo me I like it
me:  you can sit out on the balcony and stare into each others eyes in the moon light
Pretty lady:   hahahahah! sawwwooon
me:  let that manly man woo the britches off of you
Pretty lady:   HAHAHAH! omg
 me:  sawwwwoooon
 Pretty lady: that quote needs to be written down
me:  I just choked on my smoothie when i read that
Pretty lady:   let that manly man woo the britches off of you hahahha
me: wooing is happening
under the moonlight
Pretty lady:   hahaha!
me:  please feed him
or let him feed you
like a bird
lol
Pretty lady:   hahaha I’ll kneel on the ground and act like a baby bird
me:  omgosh ive lost it lol
HAHAHAH
Pretty lady:   and he’ll say “if you’re a bird I’m a bird”
me:  YESSSSSS
PLEASE
Pretty lady:   and it will be so romantic
me:  OMGOSH PLEASE
Pretty lady:   SOOOOO SLAMBAKE
me:  So Slambake!!
Pretty lady:   hahaha you are cracking me up
me:  OMGosh you possibly were the first person to make me laugh today and what a laugh this is
Pretty lady:   hahahaha I really hope it’s as awesome as we are imagining it right now
my face hurts from trying to hold the laughing in
me:  HAHAHA mine toooo

I did warn you we weren’t sane… yes, these are pretty typical conversations when one of us is on the edge of losing their mind… and yes we realize that we are most likely the only two people in this universe that find our conversations that hilarious (I’ve mentioned before I laugh at my own jokes, right?)… eh it happens, don’t judge.

I also have Mama T to thank for a smile-cracker shortly after this lightened mood. She forced my brother to hand-deliver the below:

Yes, my parents call me Squi. Don’t hate… they were rhymers…

That road gets me every time…

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http://www.becomingwhitney.com/date-day/

The other night I found myself driving late in the night down a moonlit, abandoned road distracted by my thoughts. Still in my pearls, black dress from work, and heels with my hair pinned perfectly back, I rolled down my windows so I could feel the Summer night rush through my car as the Avett Brothers‘ lyrics echoed along the empty street. As the wind moved through me, I unpinned my hair, letting the wind breeze tangles in what once was perfectly restricted from any movement. I leaned down with one hand still on the steering wheel and slipped my black peep-toe heels off so I could better feel the path I had found myself traveling down.

These nights are the nights that capture my soul and let my mind wander to places my focus conveniently ignores during the week. It was at this moment I realized the last few months I have truly just been going through the motions of daily life obligations. Work has consumed my mind, focus, and everything inside of me to the point that I’ve forgotten much of what I found when I began this path of redefining my independence. I thought back to how much I’ve grown into my skin over the last ten months, but for whatever reason, I’d lost a bit of that while getting caught up in the old insecurities, unrealistic fears, and those unworthy, yet quite influential opinions. That comfort I found in myself had tip toed out for a break without me even noticing. But the world wouldn’t sit quietly any longer and watch… the wind wanted to break my rigid motion, the stars wanted to spark my curiosity, and the moon wanted to guide me down an untraveled and quite unrestricted road… focus has been recaptured and awaken from the hazy daze of routine life I found myself in and I’m reminded:

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” ― Harvey MacKay

I’m trying to fully let go Harvey, really trying.

Why Arizona?… Oh yeah, that’s why!

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Hey world! Guess what! I climbed a mountain… like a serious moutain – that’s a check off the ol’ bucket list! You see pretty lady who shall remain nameless (who actually in fact has been earlier named and will be named again later in this post) and I took our adventures to the Red Rocks in Arizona. I’m not sure Arizona fully prepared itself when we announced we were coming… but then again, maybe we weren’t fully prepared either…

We had dreams of extreme adventure, mountain singing, and grand canyon hiking… some of which we prepared for, some we definitely did not…

 

We thought maybe after that little mini unplanned adventure, maybe this time we should prepare for hiking local style. So we asked our bed-n-breakfast hosts (highly recommend Desert Rose Bed and Breakfast by the way… yes a little mini plug, deal) and our bed-n-breakfast friends, Judy, Joe, Jim, and Janet (yes those were their real names) what time we’d need to leave to make it to the Grand Canyon for sunrise. They gave us times and directions so we could plan accordingly for the next morning before going out that evening for Arizona Stronghold’s 2nd birthday celebration and a little fun hanging with the locals at Rendezvous. Again, things didn’t go quite as planned…

 

Needless to say… we needed to express what the world was doing to us…

 

So we didn’t make it to the Grand Canyon, but our adventures in Arizona were unreal. The trip was by far one of the best I’ve ever experienced. I highly recommend visiting Cottonwood, Jerome, and Sedona at least once in your life. Rent a little car and zoom around those red rocks. Attend an early morning festival, drink beer, and wander off a trail up the side of a serious mountain. Meet a few hippies that over-took a ghost town that sits a mile above the rest, I promise that part will be worth all the stories. Forget all of your fears and stand with your toes over the edge of a steep ledge overlooking the towns far below you. Take every adventure that pops up, make no plans, but buy a map… just drive and see where that takes you, my bet, it’ll take you somewhere cool. Just remember… breathe… Just breathe.

More of our trip: